July 27th, 2010 by DiQld

In general…

I  know you love me playing with your bits and I will be more willing to play with more bits if they don’t smell or taste like you have just been to the toilet or you haven’t washed in 6 weeks or drowned them in deodorant! 

If you go to the toilet or it has been more than 3 hours between showering and visiting, Your bits smell! No ifs and no buts!

Under no circumstances should you allow any lady to venture south if you have not had a shower between an intensive toilet visit and a shower!!!

Please WASH the WHOLE  area front to back. Do you know why god made your bits movable??? So your could lift them to wash the bits behind and around them!

Whilst you may think that your s*** don’t stink I can assure you that it does!  and for that matter so can your wee!

Fresh yummy smelling genitals or wee/sweaty/poopy smelling  genitals??? I prefer the former thanks.

I take great care to make sure my yummy bits are clean and fresh, please take the same care! 

All* WL’s doing incalls have a shower, soap and clean well laundered towels for YOUR use… Please use them!

 *If the WL doesn’t have these all of these available JUST LEAVE!!!!  She is not safe to see! 

Now for those of you that have never been taught to care for yourself properly or need a refresher course…

Read on…

Weeing 101

Circumcised/cut/no foreskin

1.Wash your hands needed if you have a dirty job!

2. Do your wee

3. Milk  urethra – shake, wipe on the back of your hand, squeeze, whatever!

4. take at least 1 sheet of loo paper and dab the end!

5.Wash your hands with soap!

Uncircumcised/uncut/foreskin

1. Wash your hands needed if you have a dirty job.

2. Pull your foreskin back  to reveal the eye of your penis

3. Do your wee

4. Milk  urethra – shake, wipe on the back of your hand, squeeze, whatever!

5. take at least one sheet of loo paper and dab the end!

6. Adjust foreskin to make yourself comfortable again

7. Wash your hands with soap!

Pooping 101

1. Wash your hands if you have a dirty job

2. Move your bits forward

3. Do your thinking

4. Wipe until clean!  Folding really is much better than scrunching!

5. Keep wiping till paper is clean! Yes you have to look at it! Handy for making sure you don’t have haemorrhoids too!

6. Clean the toilet if you need too!

7. Spray the air freshener if you feel the need to escape the room!

8. Wash your hands with soap!

Showering 101

1. Take clothes off

2. Turn on Hot water then adjust with cold!

3. Make sure you have facewasher/bodypuff

4. Get in shower

5. Wet down and enjoy the water

6. Wash hair if needed (needed if more than 2 days or you have a dirty job)

7. Condition hair (if longer than 2 inches or you like the smell and feel of the process)

8. Put plenty of bodywash on facewasher, lather it up

9. Wash neck and face then work down the body. Scrubbing  arms and underarms, chest, stomach, (oops I am enjoying this… Be back in 5)

Sorry Ok Back!

10. you have to wash your back too so grab the corners of the wash cloth and using a sawing action wash back or ask your closest lady to help! 

IF YOU ARE LARGER, YOU MAY HAVE TO LIFT THE SKIN TO GET INTO THE FOLDS – DONT BE SHY YOU SWEAT THERE – SO THEY SMELL TOO!

Now the most important bits! Take the face washer and add more bodywash!

11. Scrub your bums cheeks, then hips and then everything above your penis.

12. WASH YOUR PENIS – PULL BACK THE FORESKIN AND GENTLY USE THE PUFF ON ALL SKIN SURFACES. If your foreskin does not come back all the way wash as much as you can and allow the water to flush out the inside of the foreskin!

13. WASH YOUR TESTICLES – lift them and make them taught! Wash around them, over them, under them, beside them, behind them! and pay close attention to where your legs meet your body (prone to jock/sweat rash)

14. WASH YOUR ANUS AREA – IT MAY MEAN YOU HAVE TO BEND SLIGHTLY to reach the entire area…

15. Wash your legs one at a time and pay attention to your feet! 

16. Before turning the water off make sure you have rinsed properly and no bubbles remain on your body.

Your done!

Drying 101

1. After shaking/wiping down excess water in the shower

2. step out on to the mat and take the towel starting at the top of your body 

3. towel dry your hair

4. Dry your neck and chest make sure if you have skin folds to then your  arms and stomach…

5. Use a sawing motion to get your back dry.

IF YOU ARE CARRYING WEIGHT MAKE SURE YOU DRY REALLY WELL BETWEEN THE OVERHANGS.

6. Now continuing down keep finding dry areas of the towel, depending on body hair and size you may need 2 towels (it is ok to ask for or use 2 if needed)

MAKE SURE YOU ARE FULLY DRY IN AREAS LIKE BETWEEN THE TOES, SKIN FOLDS – TUMMY, BETWEEN THE TESTES AND LEGS THE END OF YOUR PENIS.  

Your done!

Deodorant 101

When we sweat naturally occurring bacteria breed and decay in the moisture it is this that makes us smell horrible! This gets on your clothes and so NO  you can not wear them twice! And YES you have to wash them with Detergent!

Fresh Sweat is actually slightly salty and can be quite erotic during sex! Unless you sweat excessively, dripping in a ladies face is NOT a turn on for her!

Two types

Antiperspirant – usually has aluminium in it and it blocks the sweat glands so it minimises sweating and has a deodorant to mask any bacteria smell! Think rexona dry.

Deodorant  –  Nothing to minimise the sweating just deodorant to mask the bacterial smell only. Think Lynx body spray. 

Applying sprays/perfumes for sexual liaisons…

1. They taste horrible!

2. No matter which you choose to use apply only to the recommended areas.

Aftershave  AND  perfumes – the face and neck or just a dab at the base of your neck  and SMALL AMOUNTS – don’t drown yourself in it! Less is more

3. DO NOT SPRAY ANTIPERSPERANT TO YOUR ENTIRE BODY!!!! IT TASTES HORRIBLE! Avoid Nipples, stomach, NEVER SPRAY ON YOUR GENITALS!

4. Hold the can away from your body the length of your wrist to your elbow ( around 20 centimetres)when you spray and spray for about 2-5 seconds .

Heavier men might like to obtain some prantal powder to apply a light dusting to DRY skin in the folds to reduce sweating.

This powder and the like can also be used in the jock area very good in summer. 

Whilst this is in jest – it is also for real! Never be embarrassed to say I would like a shower.

Well I hope this has helped you all. It has been something that I have noticed for years but till now was not motivated to do the list! 

I will be doing more 101’s when I get a chance.

Kisses Di